An Elvis Love Story -

Back in my college 90’s a friend and I took a pilgrimage, an American pilgrimage, to Graceland. For my friend it was more for the kitsch, but for me I grew up on Elvis. My parents listened to Elvis; they were huge fans of Elvis Presley. I remember they would put on Elvis, and dance. (Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I can’t help, falling in love with you). My father would come from behind my mom, wrap his arms around her and they would begin to sway, dancing back and forth. Then they went into the bedroom for a while. I did not know why back then except I got to watch TV really loud for a ½ hour.
My parents even looked like Elvis and Priscilla, my father with his jet-black greased hair and my mom with her thick eyeliner and high hair. And I was their little Lisa Marie.
My father and I used to watch Elvis movies together and make up our own verses to his cheesy songs.
My favorite was from the movie, Harem Scarem, the song, If You Scratcha My Back. We sang the lyrics as, “ If you picka my nose, then I’ll picka your nose”.
Once on a trip to Seaside (way before the T.V. show Jersey Shore), my father and I took a trip on the Ferris wheel. He paid the operator to keep us up top while he sang Blue Hawaii to me.
He sang, while I screamed my lungs out in horror, we had a wonderful relationship of love and torture. So needless to say Elvis was all good to me, he was King in our house.

I loved Graceland, and you will too, spare no expense, go for the full package tour, the mansion, the Elvis car museum and the Lisa Marie Airplane.
I found his home welcoming, it reminded me of my grandparents house. It had the same setup inside, Living room and dining room on the first floor, finished basement downstairs.
I love the color schemes of Graceland. The red, yellow and blue waterfall in the jungle room, the yellow and black TV room and the blue and gold peacock room divider in the dining room. The divider reminded me of my parents’ red and black bull and matador room divider. Last but not least, the orange and green interior of the Lisa Marie airplane
The memorial gardens were very Roman, very Staten Island.
I enjoyed sitting back watching those who paid their respects to the king. There was an identical twin convention in town, and I don’t know if you know this but Elvis was a twin. I met many people with similar names with similar faces, like Jim and Tim, Shelly and Kelly and the Johnson’s, twins who married each other.
I saw middle age couples in matching bowling and Hawaiian shirts holding hands and falling in love all over again. Made me think if my father were still alive, would my parents of made the trip together, holding hands, dancing to Cant Help Falling in Love.
I thought this would be a good time to call my mom. “Hey mom, I’m in Graceland”
“Graceland? “, she says.
Now normally she would respond with what the hell are ya doing there?
But instead without skipping a beat she asks, “Did you go see the mansion ?“ I said, “yeah and they have a room divider like we did” “ Ohh yeaahh” she says with a smile in her voice. She then asks about the rest of the tour. “Did you watch any of the old movies at the car museum, what were they playing? “ ‘Don’t forget to go see the Lisa Marie plane, its orange inside, your favorite color”, she says.
My mom and I were connecting for the first time since I can remember. All these wonderful memories of the people I love are coming back to me, Elvis did that, Graceland did that, this place is truly magical.
A decade or so pass to 2009, I am in Ireland. I am returning after 20 years. I have not been there since 1989, when I said goodbye to the love of my life. I met him in 85 when I was in Europe looking for mods, men who looked like Paul Weller from the Jam. I did not find him, instead I found a cocky, self-assured Irish soldier. We had a love affair that was something that they write about in fairy tales. He was funny, good looking, sometimes an asshole, a good dancer, a good man and my man.

But unlike fairytales we were too young for our love we went wrong. Living on different sides of the pond gave us opportunity to stray. I went with Danny and he got a girl pregnant, and in Ireland you get married. So in 1989, I went back to Ireland, I wished him well, I met his new baby and wife and I left the Emerald Isle an ex-girlfriend, but still a good friend.
We still kept in touch, Christmas cards, phone calls and emails. 20 years later I am back in Ireland. We made arrangements to take a drive alone. I was scared, what were we doing? What box would we reopen? I only had that day; would I say everything, ask everything I needed, Could I handle seeing him again?
It was like 20 years between us never happen; we slipped back into a routine as easy as putting on our favorite pair of shoes. We took a drive and let the day just take us where it would. We drove fast and listened to Michael Jackson, laughing, singing, getting lost and without a care in the world.
I began to see the sea, the Atlantic, our pond, something familiar to both of us. We drove to the coast and parked the car. I got out and walked ahead to take in the view. I stopped and turned around to see where he was. He was still standing back at the car, staring at me. He was giving me that look. You know that look, the look you love that is in all the great movies. When the guy looks at her from a far, their hair is blowing in the breeze and he smiles and you know he loves her.
He walked up to me, took my hand and led me down to the beach; I felt my insides explode like the water that went crashing onto the rocks. The coast was a combination beach, and gray slate steps, which walked into the Atlantic. The color schemes were breathtaking. Blue and white water, grass that had every stage of green (the kind that you go to Ireland to see).

We went and sat on the sea wall, he put his fingers between mine. He stared at my orange fingernails and then kissed the top of my hand. I could feel the water spray my face from the sea, tap my head from the sky and pear out as a tear from my eye.
No words were needed, I knew everything I needed to know, and everything I felt was never so clear.
“You know Nance I was only in love once in my life.”, he said.
He continued, “When I am old and grey and they will ask me who was the great love of my life, and I will say you, you Nance, you were, are and will always be the love my life.”
We looked out onto the rocks and there was an elderly couple taking a walk. “That’s us, we will always love each other, till we are old and gray.”
We got up and he stood behind me. He put his hands around my waist and kissed the back of my neck and then the top of my head.
We swayed back and forth like we had the music right there, and he began to sing,
“Wise men say only fools rush in…”
We were in love, with us, with each other.
Time, chances, choices and circumstances would never change that.
I thought how sad, here we are, the loves of our life, but we were too late. We crossed paths years ago, but instead took different roads. But at that moment I felt lucky. How many people will truly meet the love of their life?

Years have passed and I am on this side of the pond. I can still feel the outline of his arm through his linen shirt; I can still feel the kiss on the back of my hand and hear the tin of his voice when he laughs. I still smell the soap that scented his body and see the road that took us to the pond. Today I just sit on the other side of it. And the colors are all just as vivid, green, orange, blue, gray, gold, yellow, black and red.
When the mist of the ocean hits my face, it takes right back to the shores of County Clare, and sometimes not that far to the Jersey shore where my father took me on the Ferris wheel. I can still see my father dancing with my mother and I will never forget the feeling how my love grabbed me too from behind and we danced, we all danced. And I was home, I was me, and I was loved.
and
Elvis was playing in the background.
He is, truly, the King.
(you can sing it now, wise men say , only fools rush in……)

October 9, 1985

October 9, 1985

October 9, 1985 was like most days in Dingle, gray, with a light mist, enough where you would need a dry napkin handy to wipe the moistness . 

The lady of the B&B called up for breakfast,

The girl came down, she sat in the room alone looking out near the window which led to the street.  You could hear the seagulls, but couldn't see the shore.  For two days she was in Dingle, where many of the Irish speak, Irish  and not English .Most of the people who passed her were silent in addition , they were older than her. 

She sat and thought about the new friends she made a few days ago in Cork.  Particularly Des. 

She met them the Friday before .  She was out that evening with a man she met the night before . Both were listening to music at the Metropole, They agreed to meet the next day.  He was a medical student from Wexford visiting Cork City for a few days.  So that Friday they met in a pub off Oliver Plunkett street.  Jimmy was his name, he bought two pints, had a sip, then excused himself to the men’s room.  20 minutes passed and she had almost finished her Carling.  Another 10 minutes and no Jimmy.  She had finished her beer , said, "Ok what the fuck is this guy ?" She left his  beer alone at  the table, where she walked over to the men’s room, waited, then asked a man if he could check if anyone else was there.  The man came out and said it was just him.  She felt a cool breeze and realized that  she was standing next to a back door.  Did Jimmy leave out the back door ?  She waited a minute, took a walk around the pub, she then decided to leave.  Fuck Jimmy ! ,and  she took off.

She popped into a phone booth to call her mom. When she heard her Mom’s voice she started to cry.  “ Ohh Mom, I want to come home, Im not having a good time and Im all alone .”   I think Im going to leave Cork and go west, to Dingle.  “ Ill call you in few days Mom”  She walked up St. Patricks Street towards MacCurtin street.  Thinking of getting out of Cork, men were horrible everywhere, the jerks back home, the man who unsuccessfully  tried to rape her in his London after hours and now Jimmy who stood her up after ½ Carling.  Walking up the road, the heavens opened and the rain poured down. Looking for refuge she found an awning at the Old Bridge Pub on St. Patricks Street.

She decided to walk upstairs to the main floor to dry off and wait for the rain to calm down. 

When she got upstairs it was full of people her age ,  and then saw a familiar face , no not Jimmy but  a video jukebox.  She got a beer from the bar and headed over to her familiar  friend.

She loaded up her hand with coins and decided to make some picks.  She kept trying to drop  coins in but they did not seem to work, , “Damm why don’t these coins work ?  “

He was sitting down at a table with a girl he had been shagging, and two mates from the army and few others.  He saw her when she walked in.  She was different, and the fact she was alone, most likely not from town.  He thought “ he could get a leg over “ and followed her moves with his eyes to the jukebox.  He looked around at the table, thought it was time for some new fun.

“You need some help there” he said.

“I don’t think I have the right coins, I think their English. “ she said.  “ Ohh yes they are English and your American”, they both laughed, as she gave up,  “yeah I am”.

“Fuck the coins”, he said, “come sit with us”. 

He pushed a space between his seat and the girl ( who did not seem so happy about that )  His name was Des, he was very cocky- very confident , he seemed to have control of  his table, and was very proud of the American find he brought back from the bar.   He had a smile that could lift your feet off the ground and you follow him anywhere.  His eye tooth was slightly raised, kind of like a dimple in your mouth ,he was a good looking guy, he wasn't dressed like a Mod or a Punk, but he had some style for the day, but his charm outweighed all his factors.  In the end he saved her from the rain and being alone.  She was thankful for the company and  no longer needed the video jukebox.

The evening was coming to an end and Des asked if he could walked her back to her room. As they walked across St. Patrick’s bridge,  Des began to show off.  He began to sing loud, he made sure the whole city could hear him .  This guy had more songs in him than a record store.  What’s your favorite song he asked?  “I melt with you “, she said.  He knew the song,  he stopped right there on the bridge, grabbed her hand and began dancing and singing “moving forward using all my breath, making love to you was second best “   Second best !  that’s not the words- Teasing her and making her laugh.--  “Im just taking the piss out of ya , Des said.

He was funny and more importantly HE thought he was funny. 

They stopped at a take away , he impressed her by treating her with chips, they sat on the curb, eating, he leaned over to give her a kiss. It was on the cheek , it made her smile and  tingle inside.  They got up and continued on to her rooming house. She decided to say goodnight at the door and not bring him in for hot missionary Irish sex.  She learned her lesson, from Jimmy the night before.  This one is not going to get a piece of me.  It seems all these Irish men were very friendly, the gift of gab, and looks that could melt your insides with just a look or a grin.  Especially this one, Des - 

She said to Des, “You  seem to know everyone” , and then his response was “ Yes I do, I am the mayor of Cork City.,,, hey have you been to ring the bells of Shandon?”   “No ,  she said, “I  did not even know what it is”.

“So fine, its settled  I will take you tomorrow”

“Im sorry I am leaving tomorrow, I cant go”, she said.

“Listen to me now—You cannot leave Cork City  without a tour from the mayor himself 

Desmond Murphy .

“ok fine,  I will meet you for a tour”, rolling her eyes and smiling.

“Great- said Des, I will meet you on St. Patricks bridge at noon tomorrow”

Is that one crosses the river Lee”

“Yes”

"Good Night then, lovely girl, I look forward to tomorrow, more importantly you will have  the greatest day,"

“ why is that"  she asked

“ you will be with me that’s why” as he raised his eyebrows up and down smiling.

With that,  Des placed his hands on her face and gently gave her a kiss on her lips. 

The kiss was short, a soft slow peck, just enough to be something more,  but short enough to be polite.

And then Des was off. 

Mystified -  “ He didn’t try to come in“  Should I stay one more day ?  I did come to Europe to meet my Knight in shining armour  .she thought . 

She went into her room ,and dressed for bed. 

Lying down , she could see the moon from her window, it lit the room so brightly , it kept her awake, but her mind was still buzzing from the day.

She was confused , but the moon seemed to be inviting, and soon it became soothing, she eventually would fall asleep with the taste of Des on her lips and the possibilities of what would happen tomorrow in her dreams. 

The morning came and she woke and packed her bags.  She had spent two days in Cork City and now it was time to move on to another town.  Where would she go next, she wanted to visit the west coast, everyone at home said to visit Dingle.  She went downstairs to the owner of the B &B,, this morning the matron was pleasant, unlike the other days, cold , suspicious. “ Good morning dear- would you be staying another day, the room is available if you decide”. 

She brought her bags back up to her room.  After all the woman was so nice today, that must be a sign that today was a good day to stay in Cork City.  She looked at the clock it was almost noon.  Take the room for one more day, and catch a bus on Monday to Dingle. She was still skeptical if this guy Des would  turn up.

She walked down MacCurtain street then past St.Patrick’s Quay and towards the Bridge.  As she got closer, she moved into a doorway,  and snuck her head out to look and see if Des was there. 

At the middle of the bridge there he stood.  For the first time he looked nervous, no cocky smile, he paced a little then leaned over the bridge and looked at the water.   He stood there and patted down his brown “ mop top hair.  His black baseball jacket grey jumper and shoes with a pair of jeans and a beige scarf.  Des lit a cigarette to kill some time while he waited. 

She walked up behind him as he faced the bridge. “ hi there” she said, and Des turned around and looked her up and down and smiled , “well hello, are you ready for the best tour of your life.”  And very quietly and unsure if it would be , ‘sure” said sure.

They talked and talked and talked, he pointed out everything.  He was so proud of his city and knew everything about it.  She did not hear a word he was saying, all she did was smile and nod her head.  She found herself beginning to really like this guy.  Des stopped and put his hand around her waist and told her to look up.  She felt a tingling comfort as she grooved into his back and placed her head in his neck and looked up.  Up the small street of crowed row houses, at the end of the street was a tower.  This was Shandon Church.  Shandon reminded her of Big Ben, oblong with a point at the top .  There were 5 tiers .  The first which started from the street to almost ¾ up was the largest part of the tower.  At the top of this tier was a clock, and had one on each side.  Then there were 4 more tiers, much smaller each with vented windows and a ledges. 

They entered the church tower and began to walk the stairs.  Like climbing the Statue of Liberty, the stairs grew more narrow and obscure the father you went up.

The first tier was where the ropes were to play the bells.  They pulled the heavy ropes, and the bells rang out . There was a songbook, but she had a camera, and Des needed to have many pictures of himself taken.  He sat on the window sill , lit a cigarette , smiled and said cheese .  “ Come on lets to go up”  Des took her hand and proceeded to the top tier, which had a balcony. She walked out and could see all of Cork City.  They shot more pictures , but the top tier was windy and cold.  Des put his scarf around her neck and rubbed his hands on her shoulders to get warm. 

That is the barracks where I work he proudly pointed out.  And over there is the Old Bridge where we met last night. “She asked can you take a picture of me ?  

Des took a pic with her disc camera, then he said, “ Throw the scarf out, if it comes back then your heart will never leave Ireland”   She took the scarf from her neck and threw it out off the balcony.  Des took a pic and just then the wind gust and the scarf came back to them.  “Well its settled then your heart stays here  “

He took her hand and pulled her in and kissed her hand then her lips.  Lets go get a drink. So down the tower they climbed, they stopped and had someone take a picture of them inside the church by the alter.  “ Our first official wedding photo”  Des laughed.  Even so, she was leaving tomorrow , enjoy the romance now.  The two met Des’s mate Phil from the Barracks and his new girl Claire.  That night they went back to the Old Bridge, laughed, drank and watched Tears for Fears videos .  She had to catch a early bus , so Des walked her to her place and said he would collect her in the morning to take her to the bus. 

Buzzed with happiness and beer and a wonderful day, she fell fast asleep, and that evening the moon watched over her, like a protective mom, warming her face and keeping her in a glow. 

When she woke the next day, she dressed , packed and brought her bags downstairs. She was surprised to see Des waiting in the lobby.  “ Come on you need to move on”  They walked to the bus station and he carried her bag”  Geez what is in here another body. 

She handed him some money and he went to the window for a ticket. 

“The bus will be here in about ¼ past, so we have about 10 minutes.  They sat on a bench near the terminal .”Thank you for a lovely day, I’m sorry  I cant stay longer, but I booked my place already in Dingle so I need to get going”  Go on till be fine , Des said.  “ Can I write or call you ?’ she asked . Des said, “ Here is my address, I don't have a phone , but you can ring Phil and get in touch with me at his flat.”

The bus arrived and they both walked over, Des said, “you sure you cant stay for one more day, maybe just for a shag, ?”  He laughed , but you could see the sadness in the back of his eyes and a crack in his voice.”  She was special, he did not know why, he thought maybe simply because she was an American”  Not many of those who pass through this way. 

“Enjoy Dingle’ If you get lonely, you know where Ill be . Hey tomorrow come back  its my birthday “, She smiled said, “ Maybe I will “  you never know. 

She took a seat by the window and waved.  He smiled, but soothed his nerves by lighting a cigarette .

The station was still dark, the morning light had really arrived, plus the clouds put a hold on the morning rays.  As the bus was leaving the rain started to fall and she saw Des run inside for cover, soon she could no longer see him.

She sat back , glared out the window, wondering why was she leaving now .  She heard his voice in her head, it soothed her and soon she was fast asleep . A few hours later, and she woke to a frightening sight.  The bus was entering Dingle and going through Connors Pass. A road that gave roller coasters a ride for their money.  And high up with the clouds, all she could see was the plunge far below.  As scary as it was, it was absolutely breathtaking.  The rail was made of slate rocks, and the clouds met her eyelevel, they were that high up, but when at the next turn, they began to head down the mountain, and if the bus wanted to tip right, well the fall was deadly.  After about 20 minutes , she just prayed for the next stop.  10 minutes later she had her wish.  She arrived in Dingle , and got off the bus and it continued on.  She walked into a pub, to ask for directions.  She was glad her B&B was a short walk down the road.  She stopped for some dinner, then continued on.  Dingle was a sea town, quiet with loud seagulls, everyone  spoke more Irish than English.  She put her bags down and took a walk along the beach .  She spent the day by herself, no one to talk to, it was lonely, plus it was cold.  Back up at the B &B the owner made her a hot water bottle.  “ What would I need this for ?”  “ Its for your bed, to keep it warm”  “ No heat ?”  she asked, the owner replied “ ohh my dear, soon, we will have heat, just waiting for the fire to warm the house.  “  She sat up in bed that night huddled around the hot water bottle.  The rain beating on the window.  Why am I here ?  She looked in her pocket and found the number of Des’s friend Phil.  She got dressed and went down the street to the booth.  Calling Phil, he answers.  She says, “ I want to come back, can you keep it a secret, but not sure where I will stay”. Phil said he girlfriend Claire can put her up for a few days.

She continues , “I want to surprise Des for his birthday its tomorrow.  Can you arrange him to go to the Old Bridge” . Phil said” Des will be at his sister’s engagement party.  They will all be at Turners Cross after 9” she said, “ Ok Im going to get the bus in the am and Ill be back in Cork at 4.  Can Claire meet me at the bus station? “

She wondered if this was crazy, going back to Cork, she was already there, she barely knew these people ? But two days walking alone, there was something comforting about Cork City, there was something about Des, he was there when she needed a hero .He came back to the bridge, he didnt push more than she was ready for, unlike any guy, he was a great dance partner and my god he was soo good looking.  Could he actually be a good one ? . 

The next day, the bus could not come any quicker.  The ride started and then ended finally in Cork.  She arrived at 4 and Claire was waiting at the station.  “Can we stop at a bakery ? “ she asked .  Claire took her to a shop in the English Market.  She picked out a Strawberry Shortcake and bought a box of candles.  They went back to Claire’s flat to get ready for the night. 

She put on her favorite blue jumper and white shirt she bought from Benetton in London.

Arriving at Turners Cross, Claire went inside to get Phil , Claire walked inside and saw Des, his brother and two other friends, Sean and Colin were siting around a table with plenty of pints. 

Claire came back out and said all is good.  The candles were lit and she took the cake and carried the cake into the pub.  Her heart was racing, would she be making a scene, will it spoil his sister’s party, would he not want to see her again, was this a mistake, but there is no turning back , Des notices the candles and then saw her face .

“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you,, Des’s friends  began to join in, then the family and the party looked over and started to sing.

Des feeling embarrassed and quiet surprised, had his hand on his chin smiling looking at his cake, then looked up and smiled at the cake deliver.

"Surprise !!, Happy birthday , I hope you don't mind I crashed your party". She smiled to him

Well you did bring the cake ! He joked.  Des blew out his candles. 

He grabbed her hand, pulled her to his face. He kissed her , and said "Im glad you came back".

“Happy birthday”, she replied  “I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.”

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Teaching today

Teaching today

Regents is your exam 

Common Core is your standard

Danielson will be your Rubic

Administration does the measurement.  

Where do you find time for the students ?

Yo Ms.

Goodbye Sick Vaca

Today on the Chew- BBQ backyard recipes, Rachel , eating healthy without bread and the View and GMA- hosted ChrisHarrison , the Bachelor host , plus run back and forth to NBC to watch Elvis host with Kathy Lee as he tries to get a word in or two.  This is my last day home sick before I go back to work. Good bye daytime TV, I will miss you. 
You see these were my nurses as I sat home for two weeks with retinal displacement.  My doctor gave strict orders, just sit upright, all day, dont move, just watch T.V.  and so I did day in day out.  So I got to know them, as  this teacher could not teach class, she became the student, and boy I learned so much the last few weeks.
I know more than I care to know about the Billboards, and the Kardashians ,  and who wore what when.  I also saw Ellen give a boat load of money to some educators, Rachel give money to those who need meals and tons of stories of everyday people doing the right thing in this world.
 The Chew taught me how to grill, how to make salad and how to get cheesy, real cheesy.
Whoopi was out of work too, just like me, so I got to know new hosts, and saw old ones like Joyce,  and Rosie kept it going, not O'Donnel, Perez. 
While sitting on the couch, my puppies snuggled next to me all day, giving me kisses and showing me there bellies.
"Is this what you do all day, just lie around"  - Yes , they seemed to say in their eyes, and that is what you need to be doing too.
If my dogs were not keeping an eye on me, my daily phone calls from my Aunt, Mom and my friends, made sure I was ok , fed and if I needed a ride to my frequent visit to the doctors.

After two days I was bored - How could anyone watch this much TV - ??

As soon as I got the nod, I was on the computer, trying to see what I could do. I was able to communicate a little with my students and learned that they were not all doing what I had left.  I began to worry about state exams, and kept thinking Governor Cuomo will not see the doctor note about me being our of work, and that my regents class was not listening to the sub, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.
Thankfully my friends at work, stepped in, and I was back to resting.
But I was hoping I would not be out too long.
Being home gave me the opportunity to make lots of phone calls, to creditors, debitors and ways to change my life.  But mostly  I made calls to find those who could help Louise and her family from Dublin spend a summer in the USA after she has battled Leukemia  . So I did something besides watch TV
Cause I learned something about myself while I was sick
I do not like to sit still 
Sure I like laying there , but for a while.
I dont like that I cant drive, plant, run, dance, teach, read, look down, write when I want.
I dont like that I have to ask for help , but I did
I learned that there are peeople who you can count on, and some who you just cant.
I learned that my TV goes off at 3pm  if I dont press a button ( its on too long ), there is a great new series on Netflix , Grace and Frankie- ( they were on daytime all week , promoting, thats how I learned)
But most , I learned to relax, and then I got better, enough where after several weeks , the doctor said it was alright to return to work.
He said take it easy, "just dont do any activities on your back "
I thought, "like I am having so much activity on my back lately"
Maybe next week on daytime TV they will be teaching us how to get lucky, too bad I will be missing it cause I will be at work teaching.
But I am lucky cause , I can still see, and my sight is back, and I can go out this Friday for my birthday, and celebrate all weekend.  And the following week I will be eating healthy, thanks to day TV  and great new ideas from Rachel and the Chew. 

My gut feeling at 50

I was in the store last week and ran into a friend from my Cargo open mike days.  I was shopping for back to school supplies and holding a Starbucks Vanilla Skinny Latte.  I was wearing a grey t-shirt with  some cute jean shorts, that I THOUGHT , I looked good in .  Not that I was out to "dress to impress", but I did think I was passable, if Mr. Right came into 5 Below.  After talking for a minute or two, he asked me , "if I was on my second", I thought he meant my vanilla skinny latte, so I replied, " no this is my first", and he said, ohh your starting late.  I still thinking he meant coffee, said, well I like latte's more in the afternoon than coffee.  His face changed then looked not at my boobs but my belly.  Then I realized he thought I was pregnant.  Humiliated, I replied, " no Im not having a baby "  So he replies, "well you carry well".  A friend said later, that I should take it as a compliment, that he thinks you look young enough to EVEN HAVE A BABY AT YOUR AGE .

Reminded about my babyless, husbandless life again, I thought gee, maybe I should try to get rid of my current baby, my gut.
I called my friend Danny - who transformed his body from changing how he eats, he came over my house and went through my cabinets.  What to keep, what not .  My friend Randi, lost 35 lbs by being forced to cook so she could help herself and her husband change the way they eat.  I went to Facebook, my now guru of putting life's big questions out into the universe , to which my 1000 or so friends will give me wonderful advice.
Yes Facebook is my new "Dear Abby", or "Hints from Heloise" .
I got some great answers, most pointed to the carb, the evil carb.

My turning point was when I went to the fridge to grab the cheese and Italian bread, INSTEAD , I went to the carrots and hummus . Let me say this,,,  It was not bad !   Maybe cause the carrots were beautiful, grown on some farm that I bought from a " Chris the farmer from the Bachelor" like guy at the green market.  Suddenly the carrots were "hot" I felt myself getting sexier eating carrots , than bread.  I was expecting Chris the farmer any moment to bash down my door, and do me on the cutting board.  Back to reality, Chris was a no show, but by Friday I was feeling lighter.

I watch NY 1 pretty frequently and  for some odd reason I  listen to Shelly Goldberg and the Parenting report .  This particular segment was , healthy breakfast choices, which peaked my interest more.  To hell with the kiddies, is there a healthy breakfast for me ?  She had Cricket Azima from the Creative Kitchen series .  They made these cupcake frittatas , which looked delish.  Plus you could wrap them up for the week and they also satisfied my low carb/easy breakfast issue.  So today I made them but with some of my veggies, and in an oven for 25 mins.
Here is my recipe that I used, a combo of the creative kitchen and me.

12 eggs - fresh from the Amish guy at the green market ( he was not as hunky )
1 potato chopped in small cubes
1 onion chopped
small handful of chopped red bell pepper 
1 yellow squash, chopped
handful of broccoli chopped
1 hunky hot carrot , peeled
salt and pepper
saute veggies, do potato, pepper onion first in olive oil untill tender ( 10 mins )
then add, squash, broccoli ( i had to use frozed broc, so I nuked it first, easier to chop) and  peeled hunky carrot
when fully cooked, let it sit for a moment to cool off
beat twelve eggs
Add veggies mix to eggs
spray muffin tins with non-stick stuff
pour/spoon into muffins - fill 3/4 way
bake 25 mins at 350 degrees check at 20 and then play it by patting it.
It is delish,, next try will be with sweet potato
Cause you know I am eating for two, lol

 Cupcake Frittatas












 



My Hunky Carrots 

 

Spinster travel tips in Paris

I just came back from bringing a group to  Europe and here are some things I was telling people, who seemed to like my advice.

Today it is Paris

Notre Dame
Instead of lighting the candle you gave a donation for, take it with you.  The larger ones, have the Notre Dame printed on it and its only 5 euros a nice gift for someone who is a good Catholic.

My favorite area to walk around is the St. Germain/St.Michel area - Take Metro to St. Michel or Odeon.  My favorite little block to walk is  St. Andres Des Arts - This block has everything, cute stores, hotel ( which is fabulous and cheap) art stores - yes you can buy art in Paris, bars (a good Irish Pub if you need to talk English to someone) , a good falafel place and walk up past the top of the block you will find very good bakeries ( boulangerie), macaroon shop on St Germain, wine store and super market.  Go buy yourself a nice bagette, some cheese, wine and macaroons, then walk over to the Seine ( only two blocks away) or NotreDame and have yourself a French picnic.

Also in that area you will find some good book stores ( the Shakespeare and Co is near there ) a movie theater ( great if the weather is bad ) and all along the Seine are individual vendors selling cute souvenirs from their green carts .  If you have people who like to split up, its a good area cause you can meet either at Notre Dame or the Fountain de St. Michel. 

If you have teens, I hate to tell you this but nothing will make them more happy than shopping in H&M,, yes that is correct.  I could not put my finger around it why you would want to shop in a store that you have here at home.  They say its different, they walk out with a smile, and if you can make a teen happy ,, go to H&M.  If it is raining take the Metro to Chatelet Les Halles- there is a huge underground Mall there.  Give them time limits and be clear where to meet up . Also up stairs around the rue St.Denis, there are also a lot of funky shops the kids will like and a fountain for whoever is tired and just wants to people watch.  The Pompidu is near by, if you need to have some culture after the mall.

Another teen tip, take them to the lock bridge,and buy a lock a head of time. At this point you may want to lock THEM at the bridge,, lol  ( just kidding ) but let them put a lock there and take some nice pics of the Seine.

For those of you who wear glasses, I took my prescription with me.  I was in the area of Monmarte and walked into a cute eye boutique .  The woman put the most fabulous frames on me ever.  She told me to go get a coffee and come back in an hour,, better than lens crafters  .  Mind you , they were expensive ( about $400 ), but I wear glasses every day, and I have had these frames now for 4 years and they are still cool.  For me , instead of buying an expensive scarf that I would wear once a year, I bought glasses , and I love it when people say, "I love your frames, where did you get them?",, and I say, "Paris" 

Quicker access to the Louvre, enter through the Carrousel du Louvre take the Metro to Palais Royal.  You will avoid the longer lines outside at the Pyramid.  Also tip with the Louvre, face the facts its as large as Disney, you will need a good week, to take everything in. So go see Mona, and then pick a few others you want to see- you will get lost but its a great way to work on you map skills.  I always pick up some brochures for friends who speak other languages for a cute souvenir.  The map will give you suggestions, take them.  Say to yourself, you will just have to come back to Paris again and see more of the Louvre another time. 

If you want a great way to end the evening .  Take the Metro to Trocadero , bring a picnic and have it overlooking the Seine.  Beware of the pickpockets and the guys with the Eiffel tower key chains.  Buy some they are cheap, and do not take less than 5 keychains for 1 euro.
Watch the sun go down , and watch the lights go up at the Eiffel tower.  Find out the sunset times.  Then walk over to the Bateux Parisienne and take a 12 Euro ( 6 euro for students ) hour long ride on the Seine.  ( I think 830 -9pm is good ),  the Eiffel tower starts to sparkle at the top of the hour when it gets dark, and the boat times its perfect .  Nice way to end an evening.

As far as food- I am a fan of the picnic- I can not recommend any restaurants.  Lately I am with students and time limits , so sitting down to eat in France is stressful because they take their time, and we never have any.  So pick something up and go eat outside.  There are so many parks, fountains, scenic places to sit.  Bring some plastic knives, a cork screw and plastic cups.  Buy a big bottle of wine , non alcohol , some good bread, cheese , ham ( jambon) and fruit and have a delicious, healthy and cheap meal.  Then after walk to a cafe ( they are all over ) and have a coffee and  French cafe experience.  ( use their bathroom ! )

Also remember if you visit Paris during peak seasons, lines are insane.  So you may be only able to do one museum or attraction a day. My plan is this.
Go EARLY !! Line up BEFORE it opens - ie the D'Orsay
then spend your morning in the museum, go for lunch, go shopping, dinner,
Most places we tried to go around 11am , there were lines up to 3 hours.  

My last tip is this- learn the words
"Parlez vous Anglais" ?
Ask them IN FRENCH  if they speak English, it is polite, remember we are in their country, many people do speak English, but they speak French first.
If they say "yes/oui" , then then continue in English, if they say "Non" say "Merci" and find someone who does, or try and speak French.
People in Paris are a lot like NYers,, they will help you , but they are busy. and not interested in being your best friend.  If they are, beware.  
Also bring a little notebook, if you do not understand the amount and its not digital on the register, then ask
'ecrivez sil vous plait' ( can you write please )
have them write the amount down.

Bienvenue à Paris ( welcome to Paris )

Cougars to Ireland

    Calling all single ladies, let me take you on a tour.
All women over 40 , but not necessarly have to be.
The tour goes across the pond, to Ireland, where magical things happen, and at the very least, fun ! and lots of beautiful  green and great people.
At first I was going to arrange to have hot Irish men for you at every port, but that would be like a madam, and I don't think my mom would approve.
But how about this.
2 weeks of no inhibitions , good drinks, good scenery ( human and earth ), no judgements, no requirements except enjoyment.
I will make the intinerary, set up the hotels, arrange some food, get some transportation to take us back and forth, A few good natives to tell us some good tales, and play some good song. Of course some good shopping, slow mornings, late evenings and refreshed afternoons.
And most of all the best Irish craic you ever had.
and if a hot Irish lad gives you some gab, even better.
Who is in ?

End of the year I don't have

Ok I am just going to say it, say the things I want but don't have.

But first lets look at what I have.
For the last year, I have been looking at all I do have, grateful for what I have, and even more important what I have become.
I have become a good teacher,  who teaches to not judge others, work hard and to be honest. Teaching the love of travel and fighting for what is right and never giving up.  For the DOE,  I have been a good employee , committed 110% to the job, coming to work, teaching the common core and any new lingo, keeping my students safe and learning. 
I have been good to animals, saving the life of a shelter dog and supporting the rescue mission on Staten Island.
I have been a good member of my community, volunteering , helping to clean up , gather donations and distribute supplies and make internet connections.
I have been a good citizen, voting and staying aware, speaking out and participating . 
I have been a good neighbor, being present in what it  needs, being an advocate and speaking out for our block.
I have been contributing to our economy, paying my mortgage, spending and traveling and paying my taxes.
I have been funny and creative , writing blogs, doing standup .  
I have been a good friend and family member, always available when in need.

I have been good to myself, getting regular checkups, not smoking and keeping me sane .
I have been spared, of  random acts of violence, natural disasters, devastating health and loss of mind.

2012 for me has been a great year.

But:
Where is my husband , my child, my hip neighborhood, my cottage by the water, my size 10, my savings account, my comedy career, that great book and my greatness.   Find out in 2013
Happy New Year Everyone

Girls night out !

Being single, I have the advantage of going out whenever I want ,( well really when I can afford it ).  But as you get older, the pool who is available to go out can sometimes be slim.  Most of my friends are married, have kids, moved away  or have busy work schedules.  This week was not that week.  I got to see friends in from Denver, Austin and Ireland.   I got to spend time with my Aunt and Cousin and my Mom.   I got to out out with my besties and  saw an old friend who moved back home  . I got to hang with some new friends and venture  to the city.   The week is not even over yet and I will see some more friends tomorrow and go wish one a happy birthday, go to a pool party for another, and gather with some other friends to celebrate Elvis and a Grotto.  And to end the week, I will see an old friend who moved back home to Ireland.
Last night as my best friend put her arms around me as we danced to the band , the English Beat, I thought how lucky I am to have great girls in my life.
I have to say that I am surrounded by some of the best women in the world.  If I had to choose an army to defend me, these would be the people by my side.  Women don't run from your problems , they confront them, head on.  They listen to you, they tell you the truth and sometimes just tell you what you need to hear. If you need something done, they are there, period.  Sometimes they will even go hunt through garbage if need be.   These women set the example of what good humans should look like and they are also flawed which makes them so much more beautiful.  And of course they are the best time a girlfriend could ever have.


I just want to thank you all .
 Going out, talking, advice, phone calling, tagging, liking, commenting, texting, poolside, event planning, shopping, eating, driving, getting the check , cooking, exercising, cleaning, dog sitting, going to gigs and shows, reading my blogs and just plain showing up .

How would we ever enjoy the mess that we called men, if we did not have the women in our lives to help clean it up.  ( sorry for the domestic metaphor )

Life may not have given me  children and a husband , but BOY  did it give me great girls and friends which make for the  the best Girls nights outs ever.  Put the pocketbooks  down and lets dance !

American Pie

Happy fourth everyone.  Two videos came across my Facebook this morning that I "shared" to my page.  Whitney Houston's the National Anthem and Don McClean's American Pie.
American Pie a classic American song has its roots for me somewhere else, Ireland.  I have a fond memory one night in Cork sitting in Turners Cross Tavern with some wonderful friends and a great love.  It was my last night before I was going back to the US.  Like many nights at Turners Cross , the evening would wind down with the remains of the bar singing with the local musicians.  The Irish call it a "Session"  .  Kinda of a Kareoke without the video system, no teleprompter to feed you the lyrics.  I chose to sing Leaving on  Jet Plane , Uncle Connie sang I left my heart in San Francisco and the rest dedicated American Pie to their American friend bound for the USA the next day.  I was right up there singing loud as can be during the chorus and a scattered few lines " 3 men I admire most , the father son and holy ghost".  But I barely knew any lines from the 8 minute song.   But not the Irish,  they knew the WHOLE SONG , WORD FOR WORD.  Sean stepped in, then Denis, then Eddie and Billy and finally the rest Ritchie, Maeve, Katherine and Mags.  My Irish friends knew more American folk songs than I or my friends back in the USA ever did.  I remember a funny bit Eddie Izzard did about how Americans can get a little hazy in the middle of the American National Anthem, but they looked good and pulled it off.  70% how you look, 20% how you sound, 10% what you say.
Is this true ?  How many classic American tunes can you sing ? So today at the end of the evening, after the fireworks and we are finishing up the last of the beer , sit around the fire, toast a marshmallow and sing some good ole American Tunes.  Make the Irish proud !
Let me start you off....
Long long time ago..//http://youtu.be/Y0Y_XRiJsCI
Eddie Izzard's bit on the National Anthem
http://youtu.be/MwpuJoIvMyA
and in case you want someone to sing along with you,
here is Whitney's version
http://youtu.be/xS-R7SM_-M4

New Bachelorette episode 2

Yesterday, I posted on Facebook how I was happy to get home in time to watch the finale of the Bachelorette.  Someone was upset with that and said torture was better.  The man ( not a Facebook friend ) said I was waisting my life and I should be watching other shows like Pawn stars or Bad Girls Club.  I was waisting my life trying to get bad jokes from a boring TV show.  Tell that to my mother , Mr. !  I think I want to add this guy to the list of men who would be on the Bachelor.  The angry guy, the guy who takes everything way too seriously,,,, for example,,,, what reality shows people watch.  Now mind you many of you think the Bachelor is garbage, fine I grant you that.  But I do not judge what reality show your watching.  I have no interest in Pawn stars , unless the clothes are coming off.   I don't care what reality show you enjoy, if your rushing home to see the new Snooki and Jwow or Mob Wives or Ultimate Pickers.  I don't even care if your the type who does not watch reality shows because you think its trash ( and it is ) and you rather do something else.  Thats the beauty of this land, you can choose to wind down anyway you want.  Me personally  I wind down on Mondays with the Bachelor, and when thats done, Dancing  with the Stars. I love that its something me and my mom both like, gives us something to talk about during the week.   I like that it is Mondays and that I can get my bad TV out of the way, so I can spend the rest of the week listening to what people want me to do.

New Bachelorette

Every Monday I tune in to the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  Its my reality tv choice.  Where else can I see extrememly good looking/successful and younger people have difficulty finding a mate.  Many times I thought about entering the show.  Hey aint I the quintessential bachelorette ?  I am over 40 and never married.
Maybe they think I would not make great reality tv because I do not have the eye candy for it.  But ohh what fun I would be to watch.
Think about who they would put on the show.  If its any indication of what my dating life has been, the room will be filled with bachelors who have severe drinking problems, E. D. ( the kind you need cialis /viagra for ), manic depression, submissive issues, unemployment, kids and ohh yea married men too.
Lets pitch to ABC - the Bachelorette /Spinster series.  How fun would that be.  Watching me roam through the Carribbean  while my men pass out in the sun from too much tequila.  Romantic trips to Europe when we decide to take the overnight suite , only to find he  is having a little trouble downstairs.  Or when we go to the Far East and my date gets caught with a woman who shoots ping pongs out her ,,, you know what.  Then the finale episode in my beloved Ireland , it comes down to two men , and then a surprise visitor comes knocking at my door.  Yes and he is still married and loves me.  I think this is must see tv, dont you ?

Spinster Superhero

This morning I was  watching a tribute to Nora Ephron, one of my writing heroes, on CBS Sunday Morning.    I was thinking about how her movies always make me feel good.  The only problem is that many of the films, Sleepless in Seattle, You Got Mail, and When Harry Met Sally is that in the end, the hero is finding love, with someone else.  I want to create a story/film  about where the superhero is a Spinster.  A tale of the single , never married.  Its not that finding a partner is bad, no not at all.  But it does not have to be the hero at the end of the movie.  How about the hero is the struggle you did it yourself.  My mom installed a toilet by herself,  isn't she a hero ?  Lets celebrate taking things on , on our own.  I find I love Mary Tyler Moore for that reason.  The show celebrates, her taking on a new role and doing it  single.  I like that the show does not remind  us that she is single  and we need to find her a boyfriend or she will be no good. We just simple enjoy watching Mary go through the motions, on her own.  I find it  comical to watch a couple trip over each other, as well do  I  love to watch the single trip herself as well, and then get back up and laugh .  I wish Nora was alive, I would love to pitch her the idea.  I guess I am going to have to figure how to write it,, myself. 

Summer Goals

A common line in my standup and in life is ,, what do you like about teaching, and I say , "July and August".  Yes it is the truth, but for so many reasons.  Of course I need a break from the insanity of the DOE.  The summer is a  chance to recharge and come back  refreshed and ready to teach.    I also love July and August because it gives me a chance to catch up with my other career.  Hence the summer goals.  I did this because one summer I had none, and I went crazy !  No big adventure, nothing major in comedy, no personal fix, like weight loss.  So I drank heavily, not really a good summer.  In fact I don't really remember much of it .What I do remember is late August I was depressed, fatter and sweatier.    Being a Spinster I have no one to answer to, so if you do not set your own personal rules, who do you have to answer to ,, no one.  I see that as a blessing and a curse.  Now September -June what gets me out of bed ?  Children , not mine,  my students.  I always have this repeated nightmare of not waking up on time and thousands of children standing in front of my classroom with their arms crossed tapping their feeting, all shouting, at many different times,, " your late Ms., where were you "   Who needs an alarm clock.  During the summer , there is no one, kicking me out of bed at a set time,, so that could lead into a dangerous abyss of late nights staring at facebook, early mornings staring at facebook, long hot afternoons staring at facebook.  The opposite side is that I dont stop working and  be the industrious Protestant that I am, work , work, work and more work.  Then in September go back to work, exhausted.  One year I made so many goals, I got tired just looking at them on paper.  So I downsized my hefty goals so I can also have some fun.  Yes being a Spinster, you must always have fun , the number #1 rule,  People depend on their single friends to have fun. While they are arguing with their spouses to pick up their shit, or yelling at their kids,  "that's what we are eating for dinner, if you don't like it, too bad"  .  Spinsters need to go and have fun for the rest of us.  You tell us to. " well you must go out and have fun, you don't have a husband or children to answer to".  Ok so fun is a Spinster given, a must, it is our duty.  I will always do my duty.
Right now ,
the main things in my life would be :
writing
stage time/performing
healthier
love
So this is my Summer Goal:
 everyday I have to do something from each category, and my mom told me I need to add another category, called " get rid of that s**t in your house".  Add the most important, to  enjoy myself !

I am not going to finish my book
I am not going to lose 30 lbs
I am not going to be on stage every day
I am not going to be in a healthy relationship. 

I say that this summer because I need to remind myself that it is also my vacation.
Those 3 are my long term goals,  NOT  my summer goals
but I will-
work on my book and work on getting more published
exercise, cause I simply just don't now
go into the city, hangout and network at clubs
and to be open to more possibilities of love

 One of the perks  about being single, you only need to consider you  when making plans .  Enjoy .
Check one of my goals off my list today !

An Eddie Izzard Education

10 years ago.
It was the last day of classes and I need to entertain my Global Sophomore history class. I decided to show Eddie Izzard's "Dressed to Kill" . I figured it would be good, the kids are fried from prepping all week for the Global Regents, getting kids to work on the last day of classes is impossible and Eddie does a great bit on Western Civ., so this will be perfect.
I thought about the cursing ( kids is it ok that Eddie says the F word a few times ? ),
Comments the first few minutes from the kids
Ms. He is not from here is he ?
Ms. Is that English ?
Ms. Whats with the lipstick ?
Ms. Is he gay?
I say, "No kids he is a transvestite , he likes women."
He's gay Ms.
That gay guy is funny Ms.
I shout, "Transvestite ! An action transvestite !" Whatever they're listening !
So the kids are listening, laughing, I am hero, problem solved .
Then my Assistant Principal walks by.
He sees the kids laughing and calls me out to the hall way.
He says, " What are you doing ? Why are they not studying , they have a regents tomorrow"
I say, " Look they are fried, we have been working all month on the regents, plus Eddie does a great bit on Western Civ "

He walks away shaking his head, and then I start to worry.
Wow, I don't have tenure, maybe I should of studied, what if if they all fail the regents.
What if they go home and tell their parents that we did not study, instead we watched some guy who wears lipstick and drops the f word a lot. !
I break into a sweat, kids we need to study !
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They revolt ! This guy is great !
I decide to stand ground with the kids and kept Eddie on, hell I could go back to waitressing if need be. Plus when parents ask their kids what they did in school, they always say, "nothing" .
The next day the kids take the Global regents.
I am standing in the history office and this kid Peter runs up to the office , and right in front of me and my boss he says,
"Ms. thanks for showing that comic, I remembered everything ! "
Im teaching Global again this year, I think I need to bring in that tape.

the date ( one year ago today )

The sun came in and pounded her face like an alarm clock, " get up right now it seemed to say" . It was 7am, too early for those on holiday, but excitement about the day pushed her out of bed and feet on to the floor. The small child in the next room was wispering to her doll, and the mother was sound asleep in the next room. "Morning" she said to the child. She walked downstairs and opened the door, the air was cool outside and the sun was shinning . She stepped on the grass and let the Irish dew wrap around her feet like morning slippers. She raised her arms in the air and had a good yoga stretch, taking healthy breaths of air, taking as much as she can into her lungs, " we dont get this kind of air back home" she thought to herself. "what are you doing ?"the child said. "Stretching " she said. The small child stood next to her and together in silence they did their sun salutations to the alarm clock. Everytime she looked down, she saw the small child looking up, trying hard to do her version of the exercise. It was quiet outside, the only sounds you could hear was a faint truck backing up somewhere in the neighborhood and the two of them breathing. Stretching she began to think about how she liked mornings, because she never really liked them before. Mornings were always too early and usually a time when things moved too fast. Quick out of bed, shower, dress, eat, go. Mornings here last longer, breathe better and think better . I wish I could live here she thought. Daydreaming was awoken by the child, "Im hungry lets make breakfast" The two walked in quiet , not to wake the mom, and prepared the kettle. Cereal and some sausage was the choice for the day. The child poured herself some juice. Wow how grown up this little child is , she is not even 3 . The two sat there and talked about their goals for the day. The child talked about school, and playing and how much she loved her mommy. The child asked who she loved, and she smiled . "The person I love will be here in an hour, do you want to help me get pretty?" Getting pretty was what the 3 year old child was an expert on. The child took her hand and they walked up the stairs to her guest room. "You play in your room , and I will change and then you tell me what outfit you like" "Ok" said the child and went off to her room and began to pull apart her dresser . While she was picking clothes , the child was changing too, both getting their fashion shows together. " I like that one" the child said. The child chose an orange/brown sundress with green calf length boots. Hmm she thought, I know he loves these boots, good choice young child. The young child went back into her room and also came out wearing a sundress. They both went into the the bathroom, the young child grabbed her step stool and then both brushed their teeth. They both brush then she took the hand towel wiped her face and then wiped the child, smushing her face till the child giggled.

"Makeup" She handed the child a lipstick that was fine if the child broke it. She brushed the child's face with powder, then brushed her own. " Would you like some shadow ?" she said, "Yes Please" said the child like two girls at tea. Both looking in the mirror, looking pretty, feeling pretty, getting pretty. The mommy awakes by the sounds of her your child giggling and walks into the bathroom half asleep, "morning ladies , are we having a little dress up date ?" "yes mommy" said the child. " I am going to go put on the kettle, would anyone like a latte?" "yes" in unison still looking in the mirror.

"well how do I look ?" she asks, "Lovely" said the child in a sweet Irish accent.

They both go downstairs where mom has latte and juice waiting.

"Where are you going today", the mommy asks. " I am not sure. Maybe Kilkenny, maybe a drive to the coast or a ride up to Dublin to see a friend play, it does not really matter " she says. She takes her latte and goes outside, the other two girls in tow. This time the cul de sac is more busy. There are kids riding their bikes, and some catching butterflies, there is a delivery up the street and the next door neighbor talking to the next neighbor. The mobile rings and she runs inside. " Hello, I should be there in about 20 minutes", he says.

The excitement is too much, she gets up and down and goes in and out, gathering her bag and holding her phone. The mommy and child go the parlor and put on the tv. "Sit down and relax" says the mommy, I can't she says.

The phone rings again, ' I think I am here, I am on Royal Oak", he says, " Yes, your close, make a right on Ashfield, follow the road, when you see the school bear to the left, we are #11" as she runs out of the house with the phone to her ear, she sees the car turning up the road. Its him, Its him she says to herself, recognizing the car ,then seeing his face through the window. He is smiling, like he had never been happier to see someone , and she is smiling back just as happy to see him. He pulls into the driveway, and quickly puts on the brake and jumps out of the car. He runs up to her and hugs her, lifts her off the ground. "Jesus, its good to see you.he says. They walk into the house and she makes the introductions to mommy and the child. "He is handsome" says the young child. "and your lovely" as he picks her up and puts her down. " Who did your makeup?, he asks. "Ohh we did , I have a date today" "Ohh really" said all the grown ups . "

The day was getting older, so it was time to get going.

She says to the mom, that she will call her later, then thanks the young child for helping her this morning.

He walks over to the car and opens the door for her then as he walks over to his side he stops and says. "Nice meeting you and then he bent down to the child, and nice meeting you, have a lovely time on your date today"

" You too" said the child as she watched them drive away and out of the cul de sac

that smell in the air

Tonight I opened the windows and let the cool air in. I stepped outside and put my bare feet on the concrete, it was cold. And then it happened, happens every year, there was this smell in the air, that back to school smell. It came a little early this year, usually I feel it on labor day, but I guess Irene brought it a week early. I don't know how you feel about that smell, its all different for each of us. I have to go back to work after 2 months of vacation. Its all over, the summer. There is a pressure I seem to always put upon me, summer is suppose to be monumental. If your going to do this, summers must great, that is why I took this job, July and August.

So now summer is over, was it monumental ? No. There was no Solo Show in the Fringe, No reuniting with the love of my life in Europe, there was no baby, no marriage, no weight loss, no book, no fame, no fortune. Anything but monumental. But I did have a lot of fun, some sleep, some travel, some learning, some therapy, some sun, some writing, some reading, some cleaning, some paperwork, some cooking, some eating, some friends,some family, some visitors, some facebook and of course Edie, Ed and Flo. So in having a summer of small stuff was a first for me, and in that case I guess monumental.

Some people say I should be happy to be working, that I have 2 months off, that I have health insurance, a pension, live 20 minutes from my job. They're right, sort of.

I want to live in a world that everyone gets a nice long vacation, has health insurance, a pension, easy commute, job security.

Shouldn't we live in a society, that an employee is healthy , refreshed, nourished, inspired. Then we will produce better, have better results. Funny. those words are what I am expected to give my students ! So summers are important, needed and if you want teachers to return in September, mandatory !

Hmmm there is something in the air.

Wild and Crazy weekend !

For Amy - who got me to write today.
I have not been here in a while, that is because all the things I want to write, I didnt write. So I just did not write because it would not be in "some kind of order" How many times lately, something comes in my head to blog, and I say to myself, " can't blog that yet because you haven't blogged about the last thing " So I don't blog anything . So today I was folding clothes, doing some of my best thinking and thinking, " You should blog that" , then the "but you have not blogged the other stuff yet " voice spoke. So I choked it with a sock, finished my folding and came inside, , and a voice said " just write , fuck the order ". So here I am.

A friend was texting me Saturday, said I should be out and having manys drinks and grabbing some sex from a cab driver !.. You know, that typical single stuff . Drinking and having sex ! What if I am not doing that , is my weekend, bubkus ? I know that the perks of no kids , no husband is that I can do what I want. What if it is calling it an early night? Do they take away my single card ?

I did something big this weekend, I hung up pictures,, that's big !! God it took me forever to hang those, like ,,, two apartments ! The point being, can I enjoy a weekend home, alone, with me ? How come married people with kids can stay home, no one says anything to them ?

The beauty of being single is, I do not need permission. And even if that means doing something crazy like staying home all weekend.
I can have sex with cab drivers anytime !

Labor Day blues

Labor day for me is always a sad or sullen type of day, for one main reason,
I'm a teacher and it is back to work and the end of the summer season. I don't have children, so I am not like the women in the Staples commercial, singing "its the most wonderful time of the year" . I am with the kids behind her, shuffling my feet with my head down sulking, because I will be getting HER children.
Me and another teacher friend get together every year in my yard and sulk. Maybe sulk is not a good word, but its definitely very quiet sitting in that yard. Its a tradition. We do it every year.
Labor day, is like my New Years Eve. It is a day when I look back at the year and see where I went, or what I did or do not do. How have I grown or what will I do this year ?
Different cultures have their calendars that begin at different times, Chinese, Jewish, Roman, Teachers. Yes my date book is an Academic calender, it starts in September, not January.
So to all you teachers out there, Happy New Year, lets make it a good one !!

I think about the job that affords me a decent medical co-pay, July and August off to explore my creative side, sleep till noon, travel, stare at facebook for hours on end and do absolutely nothing . But this job is beginning to scare me. Not because I am in a school with teens, but because I have been there over 10 years ! It is starting to get functionable . Not sure if that is a word, but I heard that word again recently. Someone very dear to me described their marriage as functionable. I don't know if its a good word or a bad word. My father was a functionable alcoholic. He held a job and a drank his face off till the day he died with a beer in his hand. Do we love things that are functionable ? or do we learn to love them ? I never wanted to be a teacher, but hey its not that bad, I get along with kids, I think I teach them stuff, plus there is always July and August, so am I a functionable teacher ?

The word fucntionable reminds me of the word security. Sometimes when things are secure, or when things are functioning, we don't reach for change, we dont take risks. I like risk, but as you get older you like security, so every Labor day I battle between security or risk. I am returning to my teaching job, a job that I am good at, one that pays my mortgage and a job that affords me security. But every year I return to a job which was never my career. As the years keep adding on taking a risk seems harder and harder.

So I have tried to mesh the two, secure my nest, while also taking risks. Now I understand what a good manager is all about . So I ask myself, how did you challenge yourself this year ? Did you go after something that you wanted ?

I quit smoking, I traveled several times, I made sure I got off this Island often. I became really good at making good facebook statuses.
Check.
Standup took a back seat this year, but I began to blog and I am writing a book. New creative ventures for me.
The biggest risk ?
I opened my heart and found the man who touches my soul, a feeling that not many people get to feel in their lifetime .
I also tried to start my own family, through insemination, I tried 3 times.
But with pregnancy and relationships, timing is everything, so even though I did take the risk, my timing was off. As I comic , I know that timing is everything !

Once again tomorrow I am going to sit at the faculty meeting and listen to the countless names of people who had children, or became pregnant, those who were married, or those who got engaged, and once again my name is not going to be called. Its sad. Its sad but not tragic. Sad, that my biggest risks did not pay off. But because I took those risks, I have never felt more alive in my life ! So definitely not tragic. Tomorrow at the meeting when my name is not called, I definitely will be sad. But for kicks, I should take a risk, raise my hand and say, " Hi, I did not get pregnant or get a husband this summer, but boy did I have a great time trying !"

Happy New Year Everyone !

Its not the worst thing in the world

Last tuesday , I found out my second try didnt take. I was not pregnant. I was surprised, I was late and I am NEVER late. But I was not totally surprised b/c I could not wait the long weekend , so I bought one of those EPT tests. I couldnt wait to take a picture of the "double bar" that says your pregnant, and post it on facebook. But I did not get the double bar, so I thought its too early, it must be wrong, I am never late. So when I took the official test with my doctor, his answer was the right one, not pregnant. I hung up the phone and cried, floodgates,, so much so that when a close friend called I could not talk and said I need a few minutes. I cried like I lost a great boyfriend, something I was used to feeling, it hurt just as much . When I got into this fertility thing , I did not expect to be so emotional. I guess maybe I expected it to work !! I was more scared actually starting it, thinking , "ok now your going to do this, by yourself, 1,2,3, jump ! " Now that I committed to it, and it failed, it really is like committing your heart to someone, then it does not pan out in the end.
But I am handling this like another 'break-up" Feel bad about it for a week, then move on. So I did, I sat around, slept late, drank , ate bad things, watched tv, starred at facebook too much, dreamed a little, listened to really bad love songs and cried.
Then I realized, its not the worst thing in the world, I am trying for gods sake !
I live in a nice house, I have my dog flo, I am healthy, and I have a job that gives me off July and August ! and I worked enough overtime to buy me a fridge and send me back to where I love the most , Ireland !
So I will try again next month, and maybe I will be luckier. If not , at least I know what I am in for, because being a spinster I am no stranger to heartbreak, but I am always so much stronger in the end.