Spinster travel tips in Paris

I just came back from bringing a group to  Europe and here are some things I was telling people, who seemed to like my advice.

Today it is Paris

Notre Dame
Instead of lighting the candle you gave a donation for, take it with you.  The larger ones, have the Notre Dame printed on it and its only 5 euros a nice gift for someone who is a good Catholic.

My favorite area to walk around is the St. Germain/St.Michel area - Take Metro to St. Michel or Odeon.  My favorite little block to walk is  St. Andres Des Arts - This block has everything, cute stores, hotel ( which is fabulous and cheap) art stores - yes you can buy art in Paris, bars (a good Irish Pub if you need to talk English to someone) , a good falafel place and walk up past the top of the block you will find very good bakeries ( boulangerie), macaroon shop on St Germain, wine store and super market.  Go buy yourself a nice bagette, some cheese, wine and macaroons, then walk over to the Seine ( only two blocks away) or NotreDame and have yourself a French picnic.

Also in that area you will find some good book stores ( the Shakespeare and Co is near there ) a movie theater ( great if the weather is bad ) and all along the Seine are individual vendors selling cute souvenirs from their green carts .  If you have people who like to split up, its a good area cause you can meet either at Notre Dame or the Fountain de St. Michel. 

If you have teens, I hate to tell you this but nothing will make them more happy than shopping in H&M,, yes that is correct.  I could not put my finger around it why you would want to shop in a store that you have here at home.  They say its different, they walk out with a smile, and if you can make a teen happy ,, go to H&M.  If it is raining take the Metro to Chatelet Les Halles- there is a huge underground Mall there.  Give them time limits and be clear where to meet up . Also up stairs around the rue St.Denis, there are also a lot of funky shops the kids will like and a fountain for whoever is tired and just wants to people watch.  The Pompidu is near by, if you need to have some culture after the mall.

Another teen tip, take them to the lock bridge,and buy a lock a head of time. At this point you may want to lock THEM at the bridge,, lol  ( just kidding ) but let them put a lock there and take some nice pics of the Seine.

For those of you who wear glasses, I took my prescription with me.  I was in the area of Monmarte and walked into a cute eye boutique .  The woman put the most fabulous frames on me ever.  She told me to go get a coffee and come back in an hour,, better than lens crafters  .  Mind you , they were expensive ( about $400 ), but I wear glasses every day, and I have had these frames now for 4 years and they are still cool.  For me , instead of buying an expensive scarf that I would wear once a year, I bought glasses , and I love it when people say, "I love your frames, where did you get them?",, and I say, "Paris" 

Quicker access to the Louvre, enter through the Carrousel du Louvre take the Metro to Palais Royal.  You will avoid the longer lines outside at the Pyramid.  Also tip with the Louvre, face the facts its as large as Disney, you will need a good week, to take everything in. So go see Mona, and then pick a few others you want to see- you will get lost but its a great way to work on you map skills.  I always pick up some brochures for friends who speak other languages for a cute souvenir.  The map will give you suggestions, take them.  Say to yourself, you will just have to come back to Paris again and see more of the Louvre another time. 

If you want a great way to end the evening .  Take the Metro to Trocadero , bring a picnic and have it overlooking the Seine.  Beware of the pickpockets and the guys with the Eiffel tower key chains.  Buy some they are cheap, and do not take less than 5 keychains for 1 euro.
Watch the sun go down , and watch the lights go up at the Eiffel tower.  Find out the sunset times.  Then walk over to the Bateux Parisienne and take a 12 Euro ( 6 euro for students ) hour long ride on the Seine.  ( I think 830 -9pm is good ),  the Eiffel tower starts to sparkle at the top of the hour when it gets dark, and the boat times its perfect .  Nice way to end an evening.

As far as food- I am a fan of the picnic- I can not recommend any restaurants.  Lately I am with students and time limits , so sitting down to eat in France is stressful because they take their time, and we never have any.  So pick something up and go eat outside.  There are so many parks, fountains, scenic places to sit.  Bring some plastic knives, a cork screw and plastic cups.  Buy a big bottle of wine , non alcohol , some good bread, cheese , ham ( jambon) and fruit and have a delicious, healthy and cheap meal.  Then after walk to a cafe ( they are all over ) and have a coffee and  French cafe experience.  ( use their bathroom ! )

Also remember if you visit Paris during peak seasons, lines are insane.  So you may be only able to do one museum or attraction a day. My plan is this.
Go EARLY !! Line up BEFORE it opens - ie the D'Orsay
then spend your morning in the museum, go for lunch, go shopping, dinner,
Most places we tried to go around 11am , there were lines up to 3 hours.  

My last tip is this- learn the words
"Parlez vous Anglais" ?
Ask them IN FRENCH  if they speak English, it is polite, remember we are in their country, many people do speak English, but they speak French first.
If they say "yes/oui" , then then continue in English, if they say "Non" say "Merci" and find someone who does, or try and speak French.
People in Paris are a lot like NYers,, they will help you , but they are busy. and not interested in being your best friend.  If they are, beware.  
Also bring a little notebook, if you do not understand the amount and its not digital on the register, then ask
'ecrivez sil vous plait' ( can you write please )
have them write the amount down.

Bienvenue à Paris ( welcome to Paris )

End of the year I don't have

Ok I am just going to say it, say the things I want but don't have.

But first lets look at what I have.
For the last year, I have been looking at all I do have, grateful for what I have, and even more important what I have become.
I have become a good teacher,  who teaches to not judge others, work hard and to be honest. Teaching the love of travel and fighting for what is right and never giving up.  For the DOE,  I have been a good employee , committed 110% to the job, coming to work, teaching the common core and any new lingo, keeping my students safe and learning. 
I have been good to animals, saving the life of a shelter dog and supporting the rescue mission on Staten Island.
I have been a good member of my community, volunteering , helping to clean up , gather donations and distribute supplies and make internet connections.
I have been a good citizen, voting and staying aware, speaking out and participating . 
I have been a good neighbor, being present in what it  needs, being an advocate and speaking out for our block.
I have been contributing to our economy, paying my mortgage, spending and traveling and paying my taxes.
I have been funny and creative , writing blogs, doing standup .  
I have been a good friend and family member, always available when in need.

I have been good to myself, getting regular checkups, not smoking and keeping me sane .
I have been spared, of  random acts of violence, natural disasters, devastating health and loss of mind.

2012 for me has been a great year.

But:
Where is my husband , my child, my hip neighborhood, my cottage by the water, my size 10, my savings account, my comedy career, that great book and my greatness.   Find out in 2013
Happy New Year Everyone

Girls night out !

Being single, I have the advantage of going out whenever I want ,( well really when I can afford it ).  But as you get older, the pool who is available to go out can sometimes be slim.  Most of my friends are married, have kids, moved away  or have busy work schedules.  This week was not that week.  I got to see friends in from Denver, Austin and Ireland.   I got to spend time with my Aunt and Cousin and my Mom.   I got to out out with my besties and  saw an old friend who moved back home  . I got to hang with some new friends and venture  to the city.   The week is not even over yet and I will see some more friends tomorrow and go wish one a happy birthday, go to a pool party for another, and gather with some other friends to celebrate Elvis and a Grotto.  And to end the week, I will see an old friend who moved back home to Ireland.
Last night as my best friend put her arms around me as we danced to the band , the English Beat, I thought how lucky I am to have great girls in my life.
I have to say that I am surrounded by some of the best women in the world.  If I had to choose an army to defend me, these would be the people by my side.  Women don't run from your problems , they confront them, head on.  They listen to you, they tell you the truth and sometimes just tell you what you need to hear. If you need something done, they are there, period.  Sometimes they will even go hunt through garbage if need be.   These women set the example of what good humans should look like and they are also flawed which makes them so much more beautiful.  And of course they are the best time a girlfriend could ever have.


I just want to thank you all .
 Going out, talking, advice, phone calling, tagging, liking, commenting, texting, poolside, event planning, shopping, eating, driving, getting the check , cooking, exercising, cleaning, dog sitting, going to gigs and shows, reading my blogs and just plain showing up .

How would we ever enjoy the mess that we called men, if we did not have the women in our lives to help clean it up.  ( sorry for the domestic metaphor )

Life may not have given me  children and a husband , but BOY  did it give me great girls and friends which make for the  the best Girls nights outs ever.  Put the pocketbooks  down and lets dance !

New Bachelorette episode 2

Yesterday, I posted on Facebook how I was happy to get home in time to watch the finale of the Bachelorette.  Someone was upset with that and said torture was better.  The man ( not a Facebook friend ) said I was waisting my life and I should be watching other shows like Pawn stars or Bad Girls Club.  I was waisting my life trying to get bad jokes from a boring TV show.  Tell that to my mother , Mr. !  I think I want to add this guy to the list of men who would be on the Bachelor.  The angry guy, the guy who takes everything way too seriously,,,, for example,,,, what reality shows people watch.  Now mind you many of you think the Bachelor is garbage, fine I grant you that.  But I do not judge what reality show your watching.  I have no interest in Pawn stars , unless the clothes are coming off.   I don't care what reality show you enjoy, if your rushing home to see the new Snooki and Jwow or Mob Wives or Ultimate Pickers.  I don't even care if your the type who does not watch reality shows because you think its trash ( and it is ) and you rather do something else.  Thats the beauty of this land, you can choose to wind down anyway you want.  Me personally  I wind down on Mondays with the Bachelor, and when thats done, Dancing  with the Stars. I love that its something me and my mom both like, gives us something to talk about during the week.   I like that it is Mondays and that I can get my bad TV out of the way, so I can spend the rest of the week listening to what people want me to do.

New Bachelorette

Every Monday I tune in to the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  Its my reality tv choice.  Where else can I see extrememly good looking/successful and younger people have difficulty finding a mate.  Many times I thought about entering the show.  Hey aint I the quintessential bachelorette ?  I am over 40 and never married.
Maybe they think I would not make great reality tv because I do not have the eye candy for it.  But ohh what fun I would be to watch.
Think about who they would put on the show.  If its any indication of what my dating life has been, the room will be filled with bachelors who have severe drinking problems, E. D. ( the kind you need cialis /viagra for ), manic depression, submissive issues, unemployment, kids and ohh yea married men too.
Lets pitch to ABC - the Bachelorette /Spinster series.  How fun would that be.  Watching me roam through the Carribbean  while my men pass out in the sun from too much tequila.  Romantic trips to Europe when we decide to take the overnight suite , only to find he  is having a little trouble downstairs.  Or when we go to the Far East and my date gets caught with a woman who shoots ping pongs out her ,,, you know what.  Then the finale episode in my beloved Ireland , it comes down to two men , and then a surprise visitor comes knocking at my door.  Yes and he is still married and loves me.  I think this is must see tv, dont you ?

Spinster Superhero

This morning I was  watching a tribute to Nora Ephron, one of my writing heroes, on CBS Sunday Morning.    I was thinking about how her movies always make me feel good.  The only problem is that many of the films, Sleepless in Seattle, You Got Mail, and When Harry Met Sally is that in the end, the hero is finding love, with someone else.  I want to create a story/film  about where the superhero is a Spinster.  A tale of the single , never married.  Its not that finding a partner is bad, no not at all.  But it does not have to be the hero at the end of the movie.  How about the hero is the struggle you did it yourself.  My mom installed a toilet by herself,  isn't she a hero ?  Lets celebrate taking things on , on our own.  I find I love Mary Tyler Moore for that reason.  The show celebrates, her taking on a new role and doing it  single.  I like that the show does not remind  us that she is single  and we need to find her a boyfriend or she will be no good. We just simple enjoy watching Mary go through the motions, on her own.  I find it  comical to watch a couple trip over each other, as well do  I  love to watch the single trip herself as well, and then get back up and laugh .  I wish Nora was alive, I would love to pitch her the idea.  I guess I am going to have to figure how to write it,, myself. 

Summer Goals

A common line in my standup and in life is ,, what do you like about teaching, and I say , "July and August".  Yes it is the truth, but for so many reasons.  Of course I need a break from the insanity of the DOE.  The summer is a  chance to recharge and come back  refreshed and ready to teach.    I also love July and August because it gives me a chance to catch up with my other career.  Hence the summer goals.  I did this because one summer I had none, and I went crazy !  No big adventure, nothing major in comedy, no personal fix, like weight loss.  So I drank heavily, not really a good summer.  In fact I don't really remember much of it .What I do remember is late August I was depressed, fatter and sweatier.    Being a Spinster I have no one to answer to, so if you do not set your own personal rules, who do you have to answer to ,, no one.  I see that as a blessing and a curse.  Now September -June what gets me out of bed ?  Children , not mine,  my students.  I always have this repeated nightmare of not waking up on time and thousands of children standing in front of my classroom with their arms crossed tapping their feeting, all shouting, at many different times,, " your late Ms., where were you "   Who needs an alarm clock.  During the summer , there is no one, kicking me out of bed at a set time,, so that could lead into a dangerous abyss of late nights staring at facebook, early mornings staring at facebook, long hot afternoons staring at facebook.  The opposite side is that I dont stop working and  be the industrious Protestant that I am, work , work, work and more work.  Then in September go back to work, exhausted.  One year I made so many goals, I got tired just looking at them on paper.  So I downsized my hefty goals so I can also have some fun.  Yes being a Spinster, you must always have fun , the number #1 rule,  People depend on their single friends to have fun. While they are arguing with their spouses to pick up their shit, or yelling at their kids,  "that's what we are eating for dinner, if you don't like it, too bad"  .  Spinsters need to go and have fun for the rest of us.  You tell us to. " well you must go out and have fun, you don't have a husband or children to answer to".  Ok so fun is a Spinster given, a must, it is our duty.  I will always do my duty.
Right now ,
the main things in my life would be :
writing
stage time/performing
healthier
love
So this is my Summer Goal:
 everyday I have to do something from each category, and my mom told me I need to add another category, called " get rid of that s**t in your house".  Add the most important, to  enjoy myself !

I am not going to finish my book
I am not going to lose 30 lbs
I am not going to be on stage every day
I am not going to be in a healthy relationship. 

I say that this summer because I need to remind myself that it is also my vacation.
Those 3 are my long term goals,  NOT  my summer goals
but I will-
work on my book and work on getting more published
exercise, cause I simply just don't now
go into the city, hangout and network at clubs
and to be open to more possibilities of love

 One of the perks  about being single, you only need to consider you  when making plans .  Enjoy .
Check one of my goals off my list today !